Chapter 5

"Karina! Did you take the item that was up there?!"

"What? No?"

"Then why is Abelia holding it? I told you it was dangerous!"

"I didn't…"

"You're her older sister! Why won't you listen? Why do you keep causing trouble?!"

She couldn’t say she hadn’t done it.

She saw Abelia, pale faced and trembling, hiding behind their mother, eyes welling with tears.

She couldn’t say she wasn’t the one who had taken it.

She had already realized that no matter how many times she denied it, her voice would never reach her mother.

Her heart ached.

Karina clawed at the air, desperate to escape the suffocating darkness, but the scene shifted once again.

"Tomorrow is Enrich's graduation, so we were thinking of pushing back your birthday party by a few days. Would that be alright, Karina?"

"Yes, that's fine, Father."

"Karina, I’m sorry. If the tea party you were hosting isn’t urgent, would you mind postponing it? Abelia isn’t feeling well."

"Yes, Mother."

In the next scene, she saw herself sitting there, expressionless, unaffected.

At some point, saying "it's fine" had become her default answer.

She tried her best not to feel disappointed.

Feeling disappointed made her a bad child.

Because her sister was sick, because her brother was injured.

Was it selfish of her to ask for company simply because she was lonely?

“Compared to my brother, whom everyone praises, the pictures I draw are meaningless.”

“Brother makes Mother and Father happier than I ever could.”

“My little sister is sicker than I am, so I have to yield.”

“It’s just a few days delay for my birthday. The number of dishes served or the number of gifts I receive won’t change.”

“I’m healthy, so I’ll be fine.”

“I’m… fine.”

The number of paintings Karina created gradually increased.

And with that, she learned a few more things.

A drawing would only come to life if she poured all her heart and energy into it. Once alive, it would remain for anywhere between an hour to a full day before disappearing.

The number of miracles she performed also grew. Countless drawings gained life and then eventually vanished.

Instead of family members who never truly turned to look at her, Karina found comfort in the drawings that would always respond when she called.

Sometimes, they became her friends, listening to her loneliness. Other times, they were pets that comforted her. Occasionally, they even became doctors who healed her siblings' and Enrich’s wounds, easing her parents’ sorrow.

And with every ounce of loneliness she poured into them, her own life force unknowingly drained away, until eventually, there was no turning back.

***

“We have arrived.”

Karina’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the voice. She had dozed off in the swaying carriage. Cold sweat clung to her back, perhaps because of the dream she had during that brief slumber.

Pressing her palm against her pounding chest, she composed her expression before stepping down from the carriage.

Since she could take a carriage from the station when returning, she decided to dismiss the coachman.

She had spent the entire ride trying to steady herself with her eyes closed, yet she had somehow drifted into sleep, only to be met with such a dream.

This really isn’t something I should make such a big deal out of.

It wasn’t as if this was new.

With a self-deprecating murmur, she let out a small sigh.

The conclusion to these thoughts was always the same.

Abelia and Ferdinand were younger. They were her little siblings. It was always Karina’s responsibility to understand them.

I should just go to the physician.

There was no point in sulking alone.

After all, even if she cried, no one would comfort her.

Young Karina had realized that truth before she had even turned ten.

"What’s this? You decided you want to live after just one day?"

The moment Karina stepped into the clinic, a brusque voice greeted her. Yet, she showed no sign of discomfort.

If anything, she found the gruff doctor far more comforting than her overly gentle family.

Having made up her mind, she let out a quiet chuckle, her expression noticeably lighter.

Despite his head full of white hair, the physician looked remarkably healthy.

"No, I need some medicine," she said.

"Medicine? What kind of medicine?"

"I’m leaving."

Her short and unexpected response made the physician scoff, only for him to fall silent when he saw the unburdened look in her eyes.

"I don't think I've ever truly been the master of my own life," she continued. "It always felt like something else was in control. But now… I don’t want to live that way anymore."

"So, you’re leaving?"

"Yes."

It was certainly better than looking like she was on the verge of death yesterday, but traveling in her condition was still far from ideal.

The physician couldn’t, in good conscience, recommend it.

But her eyes were resolute, unwavering.

"How far are you planning to travel?"

"Hmm… Do you know Zentar, at the northern border?"

The physician's eyes immediately widened.

In that instant, Karina thought of Nocturne.

She quickly shook her head.

Why had that young man suddenly come to mind just from looking at this old man’s face?

"You might as well just say you’re going there to die," the physician said, a smile curling his lips. "In that case, I can make you a quick and painless poison instead."

Karina’s face stiffened awkwardly.

She had expected harsh words but hadn’t anticipated this level of bluntness and sarcasm.

At a loss for words, Karina rolled her eyes around, searching for a response.

"What! If you came here asking me to kill you, you’ve got the wrong place. Shoo! Get out!"

"No, that’s not what I meant…."

The physician waved his hands as if shooing away birds pecking at rice stalks, leaving Karina flustered.

"Is there a way to get there alive and in one piece?" she asked hesitantly. "I’m planning to take a full two months for the journey. And if I rest for a couple of days at an inn every week, would it still be impossible?"

"Why the north of all places? If you need rest, take a ship instead. That’d be much better."

"Well… I have someone to rely on in the north."

"Oh, stop it. Do you even know how cold it gets up there? In two months, winter will be setting in."

"Uh… does winter really matter? I’ll mostly be staying indoors anyway…"

The physician shot her an unimpressed look.

It was the kind of gaze one gives to an ignorant child, making Karina’s expression grow uneasy.

"What exactly do you want?"

"As long as I don’t collapse and die on the road, I think I’ll be fine."

"When are you leaving?"

"A week from now."

"…Tsk, that’s cutting it close." The physician clicked his tongue. "Alright. I can’t fix the life force you've lost to the art disease, but I can slow its progression for a while."

Karina’s eyes widened.

"If you stop taking the medicine, your condition will worsen just as much as it had been delayed. And I’ll only give you two months’ worth."

"That’s enough," she nodded without hesitation.

Satisfied with the answer, she placed a generous amount of gold coins on the table.

"Why are you giving me so much money?"

"It’s for two months' worth of medicine."

"No need for this much!"

"Then I’ll just consider it a token of gratitude. I have no use for it anyway. I’ll come back in six days."

Karina smiled and gave a small nod before turning to leave.

The physician clicked his tongue, watching her drop a dozen gold coins without hesitation.

"A kid like that gives up too easily."

But he was a physician. He saved those who wanted to live, not those who were set on dying.

As he watched her retreating figure, looking strangely unburdened, he muttered to himself, "What kind of life must she have lived to wear such a lighthearted expression while choosing death?"

Shaking his head, he swept the gold coins into a drawer. Then, resting his chin on his hand, he gazed out the window, watching Karina disappear into the distance.

***

Karina bought a few skewers to take home for Abelia before returning.

Her picky parents and older brother wouldn’t eat something like this, which seemed like food for commoners, but the curious twins would surely enjoy it.

"…Skewers or juice! I really wanted to try them!"

She recalled Abelia, smiling kindly.

"You're so lucky, sister, always getting to go outside…"

At the same time, she remembered the words that had once turned her stomach.

She knew Abelia had no real ill intent. She didn’t know why, but she knew Abelia liked her. Yet, at some point, she could no longer genuinely smile at her.

Feeling a sudden pang of guilt, Karina also bought two glasses of fruit juice, something Abelia had wanted to try.

She then headed to the carriage stop and hired a coachman. Initially, the coachman at the stop responded indifferently, but the moment she mentioned her destination, he hurriedly bowed his head.

Karina boarded the shabby carriage. It was old and worn, carrying a musty odor inside.

The rattling was so severe that, despite only sitting for a short while, her back and hips ached.

The only consolation was that the central market within the count’s territory wasn’t too far from the estate.

This should be just right for a pre-dinner snack, Karina thought with a sigh.

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